….and now we pray for miracles! Another doctor’s appointment for my brother means another entry in my blog. Yesterday we had the follow up to August’s bad news. Over the last two weeks I kept thinking that it was all really a mistake because after all of the tests were complete the hospital never pushed for a quick appointment. Bad news means fast appointments, good news means you can schedule your appointment whenever and Chris scheduled his for whenever. Unfortunately it wasn’t a whenever – it was a “as soon as we could fit you in” a fact we weren’t aware of, and a fact that when missing gave us some hope about it.
So, the news: My brother has persistent, recurring cancer and it has spread to the point that it can not be surgically removed. He will start another round of chemotherapy. The chemotherapy will not cure the cancer but the idea is that it will shrink it to the point of being able to be surgically removed. His oncologist (very straight-forward no holds barred man) thinks that Chris is a long shot for ever being a candidate for surgery. The best case scenario – the chemo will work, the cancer will shrink and they will be able to remove it surgically, the worse case scenario is the chemo will not work at all and he will have several more months with us. The most probable (according to his doctor) scenario is that the chemo will work to the point of preventing or slowing further spread and will prolong his life for one to several years but will be what takes him from us.
I personally am opting for the best case scenario, which will need a lot of prayer and little faith in miracles – so if anyone reads this blog – please pray too!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
CANcer CAN be Cured....
I have to believe that in my heart and pray for it every day! My last entry I wrote about my brother and how we were winding down from his treatments. I kept calling it his first round of treatment, but I knew in my heart that it would be his only round of treatment. His last day of treatment was July 17, 2007 – his 35th birthday. My husband and I planned a surprise birthday party for him and got all of my family to come to our house. It was a great event, and though only a short party (he was tired after a long day of treatment), a great time. After his party we had until August 14 for his follow up CT scan to find out how well this round of treatment went.
Well, considering this is August 16 when I am writing this – he had his CT scan. The cancer is still there, it’s bigger than it was in his first CT scan before he even had the treatment. CANcer CAN be cured! I believe it – I have to!!
Well, considering this is August 16 when I am writing this – he had his CT scan. The cancer is still there, it’s bigger than it was in his first CT scan before he even had the treatment. CANcer CAN be cured! I believe it – I have to!!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Pins and Needles
Well, one resolution down the drain – trying to keep up with this blog!!
So without further ado, the latest happenings:
About Chris: The last time I wrote about Chris’s treatment was when he had the allergic reaction to one of his chemo drugs (oxy). After reviewing everything his oncologist decided to not even risk giving him this drug again even with pre-treatment of bendryl – he just felt that the risk of a more severe allergic reaction outweighed the increased effectiveness this chemo drug gave to his other chemo drugs. So, we shall see what happens from here with when he can finish his treatments (still planned for July 17 though). At this point, the very good news is that he has received two more treatments (June 19 and this past Tuesday – July 3). After reviewing all of his blood work – this past Tuesday was very much a surprise too! As of his June 19 treatment his count (has to be above 100 and usually healthy people are in the thousands) was at 105 – so he just tweaked by with getting his treatment in! We were all sure that he wouldn’t meet the minimums for this past treatment, but his blood count was at 107 – again, just tweaked by.
The biggest concern is that his next, and hopefully final, treatment is on his birthday. If he starts having the cumulative effects of receiving three treatments in a row like the nurses are predicting – then he won’t be able to get his last treatment in – and the only reason that throws such a wrench in everything is that Rob and I have been busy planning his surprise birthday party for that evening. I did already talk to all of his nurses and let them know that no matter what – they can’t let Chris leave until 4:15 PM at the earliest that day! They are all in cohorts with me, so hopefully, fingers crossed, it all works out. I do really, really hope that this will truly be his last treatment too – what a wonderful way to celebrate turning 35 then knowing that it is over for now!!!
Other than that – he is hanging in there with the side effects. Unfortunately, he seems to have developed hand and foot disorder (not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease – PC!!). It’s not neuropathy because that’s only attributed to the oxy which he is not taking anymore, but basically the nerves in his feet have deadened so he can no longer feel them. His hands have gone to pins and needles too – so we are just trying to get through this last treatment and as long as this new development doesn’t worsen to an extreme in the next two weeks, well then he will continue through the last treatment on schedule. And, again, hoping and praying that all of the feelings come back and the chemo didn’t forever kill his nerve endings (another fun potential side effect of this particular chemo – permanent nerve damage).
But, the end is in sight – we can see the light at the end of the tunnel and all of those other wonderful clichés that let us know we are almost through this particular journey. I feel like I should do the Scarlet O’Hara-ish scene – standing in the hospital cafeteria in front of Subway with a sandwich in my hand raised to the people working there and crying out – “I swear, I will never eat Subway again, neither me nor my loved ones – WE WILL NEVER EAT SUBWAY AGAIN!!!”
An update for the rest of my life: well, this entry has already gotten very lengthy – so in a nutshell – the Beach Week vacation was fine, nothing extraordinary but nothing too horrible either.
Other than that, I've stayed busy with work, Jaycees, decorating the renovated bathroom, planning Dad R’s surprise 70th birthday party, planning Chris’s surprise 35th birthday party, planning our own vacations, and figuring out when to demo and construct the upstairs bathroom. Monday I go in for my tests and will hopefully have all of the results within the week and can breathe easy, my godfather goes in for surgery on Tuesday (so they won’t be making the party!), and I’m still trying to plan for dinners with friends. That’s about everything in a nutshell!
So without further ado, the latest happenings:
About Chris: The last time I wrote about Chris’s treatment was when he had the allergic reaction to one of his chemo drugs (oxy). After reviewing everything his oncologist decided to not even risk giving him this drug again even with pre-treatment of bendryl – he just felt that the risk of a more severe allergic reaction outweighed the increased effectiveness this chemo drug gave to his other chemo drugs. So, we shall see what happens from here with when he can finish his treatments (still planned for July 17 though). At this point, the very good news is that he has received two more treatments (June 19 and this past Tuesday – July 3). After reviewing all of his blood work – this past Tuesday was very much a surprise too! As of his June 19 treatment his count (has to be above 100 and usually healthy people are in the thousands) was at 105 – so he just tweaked by with getting his treatment in! We were all sure that he wouldn’t meet the minimums for this past treatment, but his blood count was at 107 – again, just tweaked by.
The biggest concern is that his next, and hopefully final, treatment is on his birthday. If he starts having the cumulative effects of receiving three treatments in a row like the nurses are predicting – then he won’t be able to get his last treatment in – and the only reason that throws such a wrench in everything is that Rob and I have been busy planning his surprise birthday party for that evening. I did already talk to all of his nurses and let them know that no matter what – they can’t let Chris leave until 4:15 PM at the earliest that day! They are all in cohorts with me, so hopefully, fingers crossed, it all works out. I do really, really hope that this will truly be his last treatment too – what a wonderful way to celebrate turning 35 then knowing that it is over for now!!!
Other than that – he is hanging in there with the side effects. Unfortunately, he seems to have developed hand and foot disorder (not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease – PC!!). It’s not neuropathy because that’s only attributed to the oxy which he is not taking anymore, but basically the nerves in his feet have deadened so he can no longer feel them. His hands have gone to pins and needles too – so we are just trying to get through this last treatment and as long as this new development doesn’t worsen to an extreme in the next two weeks, well then he will continue through the last treatment on schedule. And, again, hoping and praying that all of the feelings come back and the chemo didn’t forever kill his nerve endings (another fun potential side effect of this particular chemo – permanent nerve damage).
But, the end is in sight – we can see the light at the end of the tunnel and all of those other wonderful clichés that let us know we are almost through this particular journey. I feel like I should do the Scarlet O’Hara-ish scene – standing in the hospital cafeteria in front of Subway with a sandwich in my hand raised to the people working there and crying out – “I swear, I will never eat Subway again, neither me nor my loved ones – WE WILL NEVER EAT SUBWAY AGAIN!!!”
An update for the rest of my life: well, this entry has already gotten very lengthy – so in a nutshell – the Beach Week vacation was fine, nothing extraordinary but nothing too horrible either.
Other than that, I've stayed busy with work, Jaycees, decorating the renovated bathroom, planning Dad R’s surprise 70th birthday party, planning Chris’s surprise 35th birthday party, planning our own vacations, and figuring out when to demo and construct the upstairs bathroom. Monday I go in for my tests and will hopefully have all of the results within the week and can breathe easy, my godfather goes in for surgery on Tuesday (so they won’t be making the party!), and I’m still trying to plan for dinners with friends. That’s about everything in a nutshell!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Just another day in paradise
It's Wednesday! As of this past Monday night our basement bathroom has been remodeled!! Yeah! I shower has been installed, the toilet is back, a new sink is in, everything is tiled, and all is painted. Now, it's my turn to finish the touch-up work (some small spots on the walls that need touch-up when the pipe broke the other night in the middle of re-modeling, the baseboards, the doorframe, and cleaning!!).
But it's so nice to know that the bathroom is done - and nearly two weeks ahead of schedule! Now we just need to demo and re-build the upstairs bathroom - which is what started this whole mess in the first place! But, that we are going to wait until the second part of July to begin (maybe even August) since we leave on vacation in 10 days, come back to finish preparing for Dad R's surprise 70th birthday party the following week, preparing for Chris's surprise 35th birthday party the following week (with a golf tournament in the middle and a MDJC Exec meeting too), to having one week at home before we head down to the Outer Banks for a long weekend with his whole family (and I mean WHOLE family - siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles - I'm actually more excited for this vacation than for beach week!).
So for now, it's just another day in remodeling paradise!!
But it's so nice to know that the bathroom is done - and nearly two weeks ahead of schedule! Now we just need to demo and re-build the upstairs bathroom - which is what started this whole mess in the first place! But, that we are going to wait until the second part of July to begin (maybe even August) since we leave on vacation in 10 days, come back to finish preparing for Dad R's surprise 70th birthday party the following week, preparing for Chris's surprise 35th birthday party the following week (with a golf tournament in the middle and a MDJC Exec meeting too), to having one week at home before we head down to the Outer Banks for a long weekend with his whole family (and I mean WHOLE family - siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles - I'm actually more excited for this vacation than for beach week!).
So for now, it's just another day in remodeling paradise!!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Heat Stroke? - Nope, just Allergies
Yesterday was another Chemo day. The day started out pretty much as usual. It is now at the point where I just make Chris’s appointments for him while he is going through treatment, especially since he never remembers when they are anyway and always calls me the Sunday of his Chemo weeks.
Well, I really thought I had a surefire way to get him to his appointment on time. His appointment was scheduled for 10:00 AM and I told him it was scheduled at 9:00 AM so he had to be to my house by 8:30 AM. Well, when all was said and done, we finally arrived at the hospital at 11:00 AM. So much for that tactic. Though I am using it again for his last three treatments and hopefully will have better results (I think I need to call him even earlier on the morning of his treatment to get his butt out the door!).
As I said, all went as planned, he had his blood work taken and it all looked good this time. Apparently a missed cycle of his chemo really helped out those platelet counts of his! He got hooked up and I waited until he was asleep. Right before he dozed off he started complaining about how hot it was in the treatment room – which I agreed, it was rather warm. About an hour into his treatment I left to go to the outpatient library and try to get some work done. Just as I was leaving I noticed that my brother’s face seemed very red. Unfortunately I attributed it to it being warm in the room.
Well, about an hour later I returned from the library to find that the nurses will all in a tither around my brother. Apparently, for some unknown reason, he has developed an allergic reaction to one of his chemotherapy drugs – the one in the mix that is supposed to make the others more effective. They managed to keep everything under control and rushed some Benedryl and some other medications into him to calm the reaction. So, his red face was not from heat, but rather from a rapidly worsening allergy. My advice to everyone, always ask questions even if they are “dumb” ones.
As far as my brother’s treatment, well, they are going to pre-treat him the next round with Benedryl and try the drug one more time. If he reacts again then they will just stop using that drug and potentially extend his treatment with the other drugs to ensure full potency of chemo in his body. The only part I am a little nervous about – the doctor said that this reaction is like a bee sting allergy – you know each time you get stung you react a little worse than the time before. I completely trust the staff at JHU to know what is best, but I sure as heck can’t wait to have this be a memory in the very near future!!!
Well, I really thought I had a surefire way to get him to his appointment on time. His appointment was scheduled for 10:00 AM and I told him it was scheduled at 9:00 AM so he had to be to my house by 8:30 AM. Well, when all was said and done, we finally arrived at the hospital at 11:00 AM. So much for that tactic. Though I am using it again for his last three treatments and hopefully will have better results (I think I need to call him even earlier on the morning of his treatment to get his butt out the door!).
As I said, all went as planned, he had his blood work taken and it all looked good this time. Apparently a missed cycle of his chemo really helped out those platelet counts of his! He got hooked up and I waited until he was asleep. Right before he dozed off he started complaining about how hot it was in the treatment room – which I agreed, it was rather warm. About an hour into his treatment I left to go to the outpatient library and try to get some work done. Just as I was leaving I noticed that my brother’s face seemed very red. Unfortunately I attributed it to it being warm in the room.
Well, about an hour later I returned from the library to find that the nurses will all in a tither around my brother. Apparently, for some unknown reason, he has developed an allergic reaction to one of his chemotherapy drugs – the one in the mix that is supposed to make the others more effective. They managed to keep everything under control and rushed some Benedryl and some other medications into him to calm the reaction. So, his red face was not from heat, but rather from a rapidly worsening allergy. My advice to everyone, always ask questions even if they are “dumb” ones.
As far as my brother’s treatment, well, they are going to pre-treat him the next round with Benedryl and try the drug one more time. If he reacts again then they will just stop using that drug and potentially extend his treatment with the other drugs to ensure full potency of chemo in his body. The only part I am a little nervous about – the doctor said that this reaction is like a bee sting allergy – you know each time you get stung you react a little worse than the time before. I completely trust the staff at JHU to know what is best, but I sure as heck can’t wait to have this be a memory in the very near future!!!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Chemo Update and a New Cause in Life.....
Tuesday was a “Chemo Day.”
Side Note: Can I just take a moment to brag about my wonderful husband? He really is one of the “good ones.” Every morning he wakes up, goes downstairs and makes my coffee – only a half pot since he doesn’t drink any, and extra strong – just the way I like it. On the mornings that he is leaving as I’m supposed to be getting up (or really any day in which I hit snooze too many times) he comes upstairs to wake me up, say goodbye, and give me a kiss. Well, on “Chemo Days” he always makes a full pot of coffee knowing that my brother is on his way to the house and also drinks coffee. It’s those little things that I love so much. (Don’t worry – he’s not completely perfect and there are times when I could strangle him too!!)
Tuesday my brother showed up about two hours late. We rushed right to the hospital to see if they could still even fit us in for the treatment. Hopkins has this great program in which every patient is given a “credit card”. It’s a card with your name, and information imprinted into it and a magnetic strip that also contains the same information. As soon as you arrive you swipe the card at a kiosk in the main lobby. It provides you a print out of your schedule for the day. After that, every time you go to a new room or waiting area you swipe your card at the card-reader in that room. In this way, the hospital can track you no matter where you are, as well as ensure that no one is waiting for too long of a time anywhere (cough – yeah right!).
We arrived, my brother swiped his card and rather than a print out of his schedule, he received a notice to see the admittance / registration desk. As he was behind in paying off some of the medical expenses (those that exceeded what insurance covers) they required him to make a minimal payment prior to getting his treatment.
Unfortunately on Tuesday his platelet count was too low to receive treatment. It appears I jinxed myself last week. They will give him one cycle off and we go back in two more weeks to see if his platelet count has improved enough to get treatment. This also means that his last treatment date gets pushed back by one cycle which puts him to July 17 – his birthday. I am going to try and organize a surprise birthday party for him at our house for after his treatment (obviously he doesn’t know about this blog) but to make it a success means I have to depend on my family to show up – and given their lack of participation in this whole process to date, well, only time will tell. At least Rob and I can still have a cake for him or something!
As for my new cause……I really want to look into what financial support is out there for families going through major medical expenses such as chemotherapy treatments. When my mother went through it, it devastated my family financially. My parents were forced to claim bankruptcy to not lose the house, though we did lose the car through repossession, as well as many of our other possessions in the house. And now, I see my brother going through it and while insurance is helping out tremendously, he is still hit with hundred of dollars of medical bills each month. He is close, if not already at, his catastrophic limit, but he still has several months of bills to cover. Even the best of budgeters in this world would still have trouble covering not only their usual expenses but an additional $500 - $1,00 each month for 4-5 months in a row when they are unable to work all of their regular hours.
I know that there are many programs for individuals with limited income, but it seems that those who do make a good income and are living squarely in the middle class to upper middle class are the ones that seem hurt the most. These are the individuals who need the most help, specifically because neither the government nor society as a whole ever understands this class and the real economics behind it (i.e. look at the student loan program). So, if anyone is reading this and has ideas of a place for me to start my path on the cause, please give a shout out.
As for my brother, well, keep praying that in two more weeks he will be able to get his next treatment and we can keep cruising along through his last four treatments!
Side Note: Can I just take a moment to brag about my wonderful husband? He really is one of the “good ones.” Every morning he wakes up, goes downstairs and makes my coffee – only a half pot since he doesn’t drink any, and extra strong – just the way I like it. On the mornings that he is leaving as I’m supposed to be getting up (or really any day in which I hit snooze too many times) he comes upstairs to wake me up, say goodbye, and give me a kiss. Well, on “Chemo Days” he always makes a full pot of coffee knowing that my brother is on his way to the house and also drinks coffee. It’s those little things that I love so much. (Don’t worry – he’s not completely perfect and there are times when I could strangle him too!!)
Tuesday my brother showed up about two hours late. We rushed right to the hospital to see if they could still even fit us in for the treatment. Hopkins has this great program in which every patient is given a “credit card”. It’s a card with your name, and information imprinted into it and a magnetic strip that also contains the same information. As soon as you arrive you swipe the card at a kiosk in the main lobby. It provides you a print out of your schedule for the day. After that, every time you go to a new room or waiting area you swipe your card at the card-reader in that room. In this way, the hospital can track you no matter where you are, as well as ensure that no one is waiting for too long of a time anywhere (cough – yeah right!).
We arrived, my brother swiped his card and rather than a print out of his schedule, he received a notice to see the admittance / registration desk. As he was behind in paying off some of the medical expenses (those that exceeded what insurance covers) they required him to make a minimal payment prior to getting his treatment.
Unfortunately on Tuesday his platelet count was too low to receive treatment. It appears I jinxed myself last week. They will give him one cycle off and we go back in two more weeks to see if his platelet count has improved enough to get treatment. This also means that his last treatment date gets pushed back by one cycle which puts him to July 17 – his birthday. I am going to try and organize a surprise birthday party for him at our house for after his treatment (obviously he doesn’t know about this blog) but to make it a success means I have to depend on my family to show up – and given their lack of participation in this whole process to date, well, only time will tell. At least Rob and I can still have a cake for him or something!
As for my new cause……I really want to look into what financial support is out there for families going through major medical expenses such as chemotherapy treatments. When my mother went through it, it devastated my family financially. My parents were forced to claim bankruptcy to not lose the house, though we did lose the car through repossession, as well as many of our other possessions in the house. And now, I see my brother going through it and while insurance is helping out tremendously, he is still hit with hundred of dollars of medical bills each month. He is close, if not already at, his catastrophic limit, but he still has several months of bills to cover. Even the best of budgeters in this world would still have trouble covering not only their usual expenses but an additional $500 - $1,00 each month for 4-5 months in a row when they are unable to work all of their regular hours.
I know that there are many programs for individuals with limited income, but it seems that those who do make a good income and are living squarely in the middle class to upper middle class are the ones that seem hurt the most. These are the individuals who need the most help, specifically because neither the government nor society as a whole ever understands this class and the real economics behind it (i.e. look at the student loan program). So, if anyone is reading this and has ideas of a place for me to start my path on the cause, please give a shout out.
As for my brother, well, keep praying that in two more weeks he will be able to get his next treatment and we can keep cruising along through his last four treatments!
Monday, May 14, 2007
That 6-Letter Word!
It has been such a long time since I posted anything, but I have been inspired by reading through a friend’s blog to try and write more.
So here I am. It is the middle of May. My brother has been diagnosed with cancer for five months. I haven’t ever really told too many people about it, though I know through the grapevine most of my friends have found out. And, of course, through the ultimate grapevine several others have found out (catch me after two glasses of wine and ask what I’ve been up to lately and I tend to be very talkative. My apologies go to Lisa, Erica and Pam for finding out in such an unconventional way!). To my friends who I have not told directly, it’s not about not wanting you to know, simply not knowing how to bring it up (without the glass of wineJ).
I suppose some history. The Wednesday after Rob and I returned from our honeymoon my brother called me at work to tell me that he was in such pain he was going to the ER. I knew that he had been having pain in his side for a while, but he kept putting off going to a doctor because he thought it was just another hernia of some sort and didn’t have the time to make an appointment (yes, all Hodo’s are identical in their health-care mentality). The doctors were never able to determine 100% what was wrong with him, so they decided to do exploratory surgery in the area of his appendix. The surgery was finally scheduled for Monday morning. My brother was kept in the hospital through the weekend to take antibiotics and saline drips to ensure there was no infection when the surgery began.
That Monday my father and I went down to be with my brother before he went in for surgery and to hopefully take him home that night. I did have a sinking feeling when the surgery took longer than anticipated. Darren and his wife made the trip down and were waiting with Dad and me. Nothing however prepared me or my family for the six letter word that the doctor came into the room and told us. “He has cancer.” I listened, I asked questions, and I watched the look on everyone’s face around the room: shock, fear, incomprehension. The doctor walked out of the room. To this day I am ashamed to say that I walked out too. I say it was to call Rob and tell him the news and ask him to drive down. It wasn’t, though I did do those things. It was facing my greatest fear – those six letters being diagnosed in my family again. It was hearing it again and reliving the first time, no matter how young we all were back then, there are some moments in your life that you remember vividly. It was because I couldn’t be strong for my brother then and I didn’t want him to see me cry.
It was in January when Chris made the decision to do his treatment through Hopkins. He couldn’t start treatment until he healed from the surgery. We (my brother, his best friend and I) made the trek to Hopkins to talk with them about his actual prognosis, his treatment plan, and when we could get started. Unfortunately this proved to be another shocking day for us. The official cancer that Chris has is Stage III-C Colon Cancer. The survival rate with treatment is 50% for a five year period (5-years is simply the unit of measurement used in cancer statistics). But the good news, when they removed the tumor his margins looked pretty good.
Since then, Chris has started his chemotherapy treatment at Hopkins. His treatment is every other Tuesday and I am fortunate enough to work for a company that understands family values and allows me to take every other Tuesday off to be take my brother to his treatment. Our day consists of Chris driving to my house that morning, of which he is always late (Kristen and Chrisi, I am so sorry for all those years of tardiness – it drives me up the wall – though in my own defense, Chris is usually about 30-45 minutes late whereas I was always 10-15!). We head to the hospital to have his port accessed and blood work drawn to see if he is healthy enough to receive his chemo that day. Again, we have been very fortunate that he has been healthy enough every single time! Then we wait for about two hours for the lab to come back and actually tell us he is healthy enough. During that time we go to the cafeteria at the hospital and eat Subway. I can also tell you that after all of this is done – I don’t think that I will ever eat a Subway sandwich again. Then we go back and Chris gets hooked up for several hours, the home nurse shows up when that is over and hooks him to his 46 hour infusion of the final drug which he carries around in a fanny pack. At first he was staying with us for the two days until the home nurse showed up to unhook him. But now, he is feeling strong enough to drive home shortly after his treatment. (not to mention he gets to see his girlfirend at home whereas up here he just hangs with his brother-in-law)
As of writing this entry, he is hnadling treatment very well physically, though the last several treatments showed his blood work getting worse; it hasn't been bad enough to need to change the chemo-cocktail they prepare for him. The next round of blood work to pray for is in 8 days!
I guess through all of this the person who has been “shafted” the most is my own husband. He is the one who has received the full force of my mood swings from being upset at times to just angry at some of my brother’s reactions and of course, the lack of action / reaction from the rest of my family, especially my father.
Of course, having Rob in the hospital at the same time as the prognosis wasn’t fun either. Again,l as of writing this entry, Rob is doing well and we finally received the last blood results that his kidneys were back within the healthy range - though his glucose levels continue to be a problem, they are improving with a new type of medicine that his doctor gve him. Overall though, we can now just look back on his latest health issues as another experience, just as I am hoping and praying that all of this with Chris will just be something else that he and I can look back on and say, “hey, remember when we used to eat all those Subway sandwiches together!”
So here I am. It is the middle of May. My brother has been diagnosed with cancer for five months. I haven’t ever really told too many people about it, though I know through the grapevine most of my friends have found out. And, of course, through the ultimate grapevine several others have found out (catch me after two glasses of wine and ask what I’ve been up to lately and I tend to be very talkative. My apologies go to Lisa, Erica and Pam for finding out in such an unconventional way!). To my friends who I have not told directly, it’s not about not wanting you to know, simply not knowing how to bring it up (without the glass of wineJ).
I suppose some history. The Wednesday after Rob and I returned from our honeymoon my brother called me at work to tell me that he was in such pain he was going to the ER. I knew that he had been having pain in his side for a while, but he kept putting off going to a doctor because he thought it was just another hernia of some sort and didn’t have the time to make an appointment (yes, all Hodo’s are identical in their health-care mentality). The doctors were never able to determine 100% what was wrong with him, so they decided to do exploratory surgery in the area of his appendix. The surgery was finally scheduled for Monday morning. My brother was kept in the hospital through the weekend to take antibiotics and saline drips to ensure there was no infection when the surgery began.
That Monday my father and I went down to be with my brother before he went in for surgery and to hopefully take him home that night. I did have a sinking feeling when the surgery took longer than anticipated. Darren and his wife made the trip down and were waiting with Dad and me. Nothing however prepared me or my family for the six letter word that the doctor came into the room and told us. “He has cancer.” I listened, I asked questions, and I watched the look on everyone’s face around the room: shock, fear, incomprehension. The doctor walked out of the room. To this day I am ashamed to say that I walked out too. I say it was to call Rob and tell him the news and ask him to drive down. It wasn’t, though I did do those things. It was facing my greatest fear – those six letters being diagnosed in my family again. It was hearing it again and reliving the first time, no matter how young we all were back then, there are some moments in your life that you remember vividly. It was because I couldn’t be strong for my brother then and I didn’t want him to see me cry.
It was in January when Chris made the decision to do his treatment through Hopkins. He couldn’t start treatment until he healed from the surgery. We (my brother, his best friend and I) made the trek to Hopkins to talk with them about his actual prognosis, his treatment plan, and when we could get started. Unfortunately this proved to be another shocking day for us. The official cancer that Chris has is Stage III-C Colon Cancer. The survival rate with treatment is 50% for a five year period (5-years is simply the unit of measurement used in cancer statistics). But the good news, when they removed the tumor his margins looked pretty good.
Since then, Chris has started his chemotherapy treatment at Hopkins. His treatment is every other Tuesday and I am fortunate enough to work for a company that understands family values and allows me to take every other Tuesday off to be take my brother to his treatment. Our day consists of Chris driving to my house that morning, of which he is always late (Kristen and Chrisi, I am so sorry for all those years of tardiness – it drives me up the wall – though in my own defense, Chris is usually about 30-45 minutes late whereas I was always 10-15!). We head to the hospital to have his port accessed and blood work drawn to see if he is healthy enough to receive his chemo that day. Again, we have been very fortunate that he has been healthy enough every single time! Then we wait for about two hours for the lab to come back and actually tell us he is healthy enough. During that time we go to the cafeteria at the hospital and eat Subway. I can also tell you that after all of this is done – I don’t think that I will ever eat a Subway sandwich again. Then we go back and Chris gets hooked up for several hours, the home nurse shows up when that is over and hooks him to his 46 hour infusion of the final drug which he carries around in a fanny pack. At first he was staying with us for the two days until the home nurse showed up to unhook him. But now, he is feeling strong enough to drive home shortly after his treatment. (not to mention he gets to see his girlfirend at home whereas up here he just hangs with his brother-in-law)
As of writing this entry, he is hnadling treatment very well physically, though the last several treatments showed his blood work getting worse; it hasn't been bad enough to need to change the chemo-cocktail they prepare for him. The next round of blood work to pray for is in 8 days!
I guess through all of this the person who has been “shafted” the most is my own husband. He is the one who has received the full force of my mood swings from being upset at times to just angry at some of my brother’s reactions and of course, the lack of action / reaction from the rest of my family, especially my father.
Of course, having Rob in the hospital at the same time as the prognosis wasn’t fun either. Again,l as of writing this entry, Rob is doing well and we finally received the last blood results that his kidneys were back within the healthy range - though his glucose levels continue to be a problem, they are improving with a new type of medicine that his doctor gve him. Overall though, we can now just look back on his latest health issues as another experience, just as I am hoping and praying that all of this with Chris will just be something else that he and I can look back on and say, “hey, remember when we used to eat all those Subway sandwiches together!”
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
All Those Resolutions
2007 - A new year is underway. This is the time when we look back over the past year, view our mistakes, our triumphs, our successes, our losses. And then, armed with one more year of knowledge we forge ahead with a new set of resolutions, or an old set of resolutions with new resolve to accomplish them.
2006 was a wonderful, horrible, laughing, crying kind of a year. After all, there are 365 days in a year – how on earth could I describe all of those days with just one emotion.
So many things happened in 2006 from fights to weddings and so much more. The emotional roller coaster ran rampant, and yes, at times Ms. Bridezilla reared her head!
And now, after looking back over the moments that made up this past year of my life, I can look forward with resolve - resolve to:
- Run the Baltimore Half-Marathon, not to lose weight, not to live a healthier lifestyle, but simply because I want to add this feat to my list of life accomplishments, to know that I can do whatever I put my mind to and to prepare me for 2008 when I run the complete Baltimore Marathon! And mostly to enjoy the view along the trail!
- Live a healthier lifestyle which will help result in losing the excess pounds, but more importantly in toning my body, and in helping me to center my mind, body, and soul.
- Spend time with my family and friends. This is really the biggest priority. After ending a year in which my husband was diagnosed with Diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol; my father collapsed twice from diabetic shock (including on top of me at my own wedding reception); and my brother most recently being diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma - I have learned over and over again that life is precious and we should never take any of it or the people in it for granted!
So for 2007, may we all stand by our resolutions, may we help others along the way, may we leave this world a little bit better at the end of the year than how we found it right now, and mostly, may we have the strength to know when to fight and when to lean on others!
2006 was a wonderful, horrible, laughing, crying kind of a year. After all, there are 365 days in a year – how on earth could I describe all of those days with just one emotion.
So many things happened in 2006 from fights to weddings and so much more. The emotional roller coaster ran rampant, and yes, at times Ms. Bridezilla reared her head!
And now, after looking back over the moments that made up this past year of my life, I can look forward with resolve - resolve to:
- Run the Baltimore Half-Marathon, not to lose weight, not to live a healthier lifestyle, but simply because I want to add this feat to my list of life accomplishments, to know that I can do whatever I put my mind to and to prepare me for 2008 when I run the complete Baltimore Marathon! And mostly to enjoy the view along the trail!
- Live a healthier lifestyle which will help result in losing the excess pounds, but more importantly in toning my body, and in helping me to center my mind, body, and soul.
- Spend time with my family and friends. This is really the biggest priority. After ending a year in which my husband was diagnosed with Diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol; my father collapsed twice from diabetic shock (including on top of me at my own wedding reception); and my brother most recently being diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma - I have learned over and over again that life is precious and we should never take any of it or the people in it for granted!
So for 2007, may we all stand by our resolutions, may we help others along the way, may we leave this world a little bit better at the end of the year than how we found it right now, and mostly, may we have the strength to know when to fight and when to lean on others!
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