Another August Birthday Celebration

Last night was another August Birthday celebration – we celebrated my nephew turning two! Unfortunately Unkie Rob (as Jared calls him) couldn't make the trip to PA to celebrate based on some side work – but the gifts were still very well received…..or as Jared said…”presents..mine, mine, mine!”

Below are some photos from the night. Grandpop Hodo gave a Thomas the train engine and some clothes, Pop-Pop and Mom-Mom gave clothes, and Unkie Rob and I gave a “mocha-nanny” Jared’s term for motorcycle and some clothes. True to a two year old – the clothes were pretty much thrown aside and the toys played with immediately!

Anxiously awaiting the birthday cake!

Yeah - birthday cake!

Unwrapping his "mocha-nanny"!

Everyone needs a super-hero!

And even more Jack Daniels!

Another weekend, another birthday party and another supply of Jack Daniels to take home with us (though slightly depleted by the end of the day as we “fed the masses” during the party!!)

All that Jack!

I would definitely have to say that good times were had by all. Rob had the chance to hang out with friends we see often, and many that we haven’t had the chance to catch up with in quite some time. I asked him if his 40th birthday was everything he expected it to be and he told me that it was even better!! Of course we laughed about the fact that he really got a total of almost four birthday parties – between the two that I threw, the impromptu party at the bar the night of his actual birthday, and everyone celebrating with him all during the Jaycee Convention!

Yes - that is the birthday cake!

Rob and Kristen - "no relation"!

A Ray sandwich!

Rob with his godson - he's finding all of the grey!!!

Alec wanted to take pictures - Jen style!

So with his birthday celebration extravaganza over – it is time to start gearing up for some more fun and activity – tonight we are celebrating my nephew’s second birthday and this Saturday will be my own birthday celebration (turning 28 again!) though I am still not sure of the big plans other than to know that at some point I will be at the State Fair as is my birthday week tradition (cheesy and hokey and I LOVE IT!!!). And the activity is to get the house under control again – this year I didn’t quite get around to taking care of my lawn the way I like to, so the backyard is now no longer grass – more just weeds some crab grass and lots of clover!

On Sunday we actually decided to relax for a little bit after finishing cleaning from the party. Our original plans were to head to Waldorf to take care of some things – but I think after we went out to get our tents and help with final cleaning from the party we were both about ready to just collapse! I went to the cemetery for a while to take over my Sunday flowers to Chris and just to talk for a bit. It is very peaceful over there and is one of the few places where I can actually feel a little bit whole again. Of course Rob teased me about taking so many flowers over to Chris saying he is going to start wondering about him……that was how Chris and Rob always were though – teasing each other about who had the “more manly” scars (both had their operations within weeks of each other), who had the higher threshold for pain, and then in the same breathe Chris would tease Rob about “you know you want to spoon with me later.” Really, if you know a Hodo – then you know our warped senses of humor! But, it’s kind of nice to have Rob still tease like that though because it makes it kind of normal – kind of like one thing that didn’t have to change. You know – like we’re not pretending that Chris was different than what he was when he was still here.

Poetic Truths

About a month ago I received a brochure from the funeral home entitled “My Friend, I Care.” At that time I just put it aside because I didn’t want to read it at all. I just read it this morning before coming to the office. For anyone who has ever lost someone – I would strongly encourage you to read it and feel free to borrow mine.

The real reason I write about it though – there is a poem at the end that I want to share because I have never yet read anything so perfectly stated and truthful’. See, over the last nearly two months I have heard so many different expressions and sentiments – some wonderful, some that have made me go “huh?” – but ultimately I know everyone searches for the right thing to say – as you can see from this poem – stop searching, there are no right words, just great friendship – and I love all of those great friendships!


Don’t tell me that you understand
Don’t tell me that you know.
Don’t tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.

Don’t tell me this is just a test,
That I am truly blessed,
That I am chosen for this task,
Apart from all the rest.

Don’t come at me with answers
That can only come from me,
Don’t tell me how my grief will pass
That I will soon be free.

Don’t stand in pious judgment
Of the bonds I must untie,
Don’t tell me how to suffer,
And don’t tell me how to cry.

My life is filled with selfishness,
My pain is all I see,
But I need you; I need your love,
Unconditionally.

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, “My friend, I care.”

Joanette Hendel
Bereavement Magazine

The Surprise is Over!!

This weekend was another whirlwind. Saturday was the Surprise 40th Family Birthday Party for my husband and his twin. Though it was not too much of a surprise, especially thanks to a last minute phone call on behalf of another about side jobs……it still went very well.

The perfect birthday cake!

The surprise for Rob was that my godparent’s entire immediate family was there – which he just appreciated so much. Beyond that, I had pulled together some picture boards – one for each of the twins, with pictures from when they were young, but mostly from over the past 6-7 years. Both of them loved the boards – which I was just thrilled about! And the boards will make another appearance this coming Saturday at the Friends Birthday Party (yes – there are two parties for such a momentous occasion!)

Rob with his new glasses

And, I will never be able to thank Nancy, Carol & Rick, and Aunt Janet so much for all of their help. This was the party that while I coordinated some efforts – these guys really came through and made it happen, while I have been planning the friends’ party.

This past week was definitely one of the more difficult weeks too since Chris is no longer in our lives. See, the day I took Chris to the hospital after Disney – we were sitting in the “pod” (treatment area) waiting for a bed to open up. We were there for hours on end and when he was awake – we would talk about all sorts of stuff. He had promised me that he would make it for this family party for Rob. Over this past week as plans were coming together there was many times where I just got upset because he wouldn’t be there. I guess really some of the finality of it all is setting in – the reality that I will never get to talk with him again, never get to make faces with each other and make fun of people, never even get to pick a fight or get frustrated with him because he was so stubborn all of the time. And mostly, I don’t get to talk with him anymore about things that are going on in my life, things going on in his – relationships, what our goals were for the future for ourselves and all of the things he and I talked about. It just sucks.

But, one of the amazing things – because my brother was the guy he was – he still got to get the last word in with Rob – he bought him a birthday gift while we were in Disney. I pulled it out and gave it to Rob on Sunday afternoon – it choked both of us up a bit. Chris had bought Rob a set of Disney World golf balls and a miniature golf bag tee holder that he can put on his golf bag.

So, with the family party - and the last thing that Chris promised me he would make - over, I would love to say that I have found my new normal in life – but it is still a work in progress – a day by day journey, and some days, it still is hour by hour. Rob mentioned yesterday that time is just flying by and before we know it, it will be Christmas – I asked him not to rush it – Christmas without Chris is not something that I am looking forward too. In the meantime, day by day will work and the celebrations along the way will still mean something just with a bittersweet moment – you know that moment where I can’t believe he isn’t here to laugh with me, cry with me, make faces with me and just stand by my side like we have done so many other times in our lives.